


Hopeless

by letsdothepanic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Awkward Kissing, Boys Kissing, F/M, Gryffindor Common Room, James Potter is a bad kisser, Kissing Lessons, M/M, Minor James Potter/Emmeline Vance, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans, Minor Peter Pettigrew/Mary McDonald, Multi, Parties, The Pocky Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 20:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17773484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsdothepanic/pseuds/letsdothepanic
Summary: As it turns out, James Potter – Quidditch Captain, prankster extraordinaire, most popular bloke in their year James Potter! – is a terrible kisser. Moony and Padfoot give him a hand.





	Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> written for the Pocky Game RS24hourchallenge / slightly inspired by this [Tumblr drabble](http://letsdothepanic.tumblr.com/post/182779664908/tepre-i-want-an-8th-year-fic-where-harry-is-a) / unbeta'ed!

 

 

If there was something Gryffindor House was famous for, aside from its students outstanding courage and bravery, it was definitely their Friday night parties.

It was incredible, how many illegal things the Gryffindors were able to contraband into their tower on a weekly basis, despite having one of the strictest professors in the whole school as their Head of House. From magical fireworks that burnt for hours after being lit to endless bottles of butterbeer and Firewhiskey, the Gryffindors had it all. It wasn’t unusual to see students from other houses  _ begging _ to be invited – everyone wanted to be included in the gossip that was sure to happen the following week, after all.

To no one’s surprise, the Marauders were usually in charge of making sure there would always be something new and fun going on. New magical drinks that helped people confess secrets they didn’t know how to bring up, or enchanted bottles that would point to whomever the person spinning them wanted to kiss the most were some of the artifacts that Prongs, Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail had come up with. It helped them stay on their toes, James would say as he tried to Charm a quill so it would draw dirty things on people’s faces if as they fell asleep in the common room on one particular Friday afternoon as he prepared for the night in question.

Many couples had been formed in those parties, so that was a thing people looked forward to, as well. From flings that lasted a couple of weeks to True Love, as Sirius would say about Remus (which made him scoff every single time, despite loving to hear it), Matchmaking was also supposed to be a service provided by the Marauders’ games.

On that Friday in particular, they were eager to try the “Pocky Game”. Relatively less magically inspired than their usual ideas, it involved these candy sticks that were originally muggle made, but that had recently started being produced by Honeydukes in a flavour-changing version. Every bite should taste like something else – strawberries and mint if you were lucky, or bogeys and onions, if you weren’t, for example. The promised alteration for the night was that flavours should improve with the couple’s chemistry, so the people playing would get a better chance to end their round with a kiss once they had each taken enough bites to come close enough for lips to touch.

At approximately ten o’clock, things were going perfectly. Marlene and Dorcas had ended up snogging for a good five minutes after going through a candy floss-flavoured stick – to no one’s surprise but their own – earning themselves a hearty round of whooping and cheering and a loud “I called it!” from Sirius. Alice and Frank had tried to be more discreet, fleeing back to the dormitory after a Pocky of their own (the others never learnt what flavour it had assumed, for they disappeared before anyone could ask), and Remus and Sirius had had to be separated after some chocolate-flavoured PDA that Peter had deemed “nightmare material” in his usual squeaky tone that came out after a few drinks.

What no one had expected, though, was to see James Potter – Quidditch Captain, prankster extraordinaire, most popular bloke in their year James Potter – get beetroot red when Emmeline Vance, a pretty Ravenclaw girl from a grade below theirs, grabbed a candy stick from the jar in the middle of the coffee table and plopped down beside him. It wasn’t like people didn’t know he’d been interested in Evans for the good part of the last three years, at least, but no one thought he’d refuse to play with someone else, if the situation arose.

“I’m. Uh,” he stammered. Sirius and Remus exchanged a look. They didn’t want to put their best friend on the spot, and were ready to take action if necessary, but resolution was quick to substitute James’ initial hesitation. Straightening his back and squaring his shoulders, James scooted closer to Emmeline, helping her with the Pocky stick as he shot her a confident smile.

Half of the room had their eyes on Lily Evans to try and see how she would react, but for some reason Sirius and Remus thought there might me something else to James’ strange behaviour.

As it turned out, they were not wrong.

Vance was the first to take a bite, and the expression that followed it should have been a warning for them to stop right away. Either determined or oblivious, James took a bite of the candy himself and frowned slightly. Leaning forward, she took a bigger piece of it into her mouth, bringing James close enough for their lips to brush.

No one seemed to dare  _ breathe _ around them. Lily had refused to look, Remus was glad to notice, and had turned around to go pick up another beverage. Making a mental note to tell James later, he turned back right on time to see the disaster unravel.

_ Tongue _ was the first thing Remus registered. Lips everywhere, visible drool, teeth and noses knocking together.  _ Yuck _ was the second and only thing Remus could think about as poor Emmeline braved through was looked like an eternity of the worst kissing Remus Lupin had ever witnessed.

Padfoot seemed to think the exact same, if the expression he had on when Remus turned to look at him was anything to go by.

“ _ Merlin’s saggy balls _ ,” his boyfriend murmured in disgust, passing Remus a teacup filled with Firewhiskey. He honestly hoped the burn of the alcohol would let him forget the abhorrent sight.

“That wasn’t so bad!” 

James’ voice was bright, but the smile he had attempted at looked more like a grimace.

“Prongsie… no.” Sirius shook his head, his speech just slurred enough so one could tell he’d been drinking. 

As Emmeline walked away to get herself a drink (and probably tell her friends about the horrors she had just lived through), Remus stepped forward, placing an affectionate hand on James’ shoulder and guiding him away from the crowd.

“Why didn’t you just...  _ tell us _ ?”

“We would have never let  _ that  _ happen…” Sirius gestured vaguely at where James and Emmeline had just been sitting.

“Tell you what?” James sounded offended.

“That you kiss like a parched Manticore,” Remus deadpanned.

“Yeah, like a starving Hippogriff,” Sirius nodded.

“Like a bloody Grindylow, sucking off the Giant Squid,” all three of them looked at Peter, shocked.

Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail bursted out laughing.

“The… Pocky  _ did  _ taste like kidney pie.”

“And that didn’t tip you off??” Sirius was dumbfounded.

“I don’t know?! I thought she might’ve liked it?! And I just went for it? Fuck, I’m idiot.” James cried, hiding his face with a hand.

“Yup,” Sirius touched James’ other shoulder, rubbing his thumb over his friend’s robes.

Behind them, Mary McDonald waved a candy stick on Peter’s direction. Remus thought that should be his and Sirius’ opportunity to remove James from the common room before things got worse.

“At least Lily didn’t see it…” Remus commented as they walked.

“She didn’t?”

“No,” it was Sirius who replied, letting James take the lead as the held Remus’ hand, walking one step behind him. “She turned away right on time. Might’ve been jealous. We should investigate,” he continued.

“Yeah, but…” Remus paused to shoot Sirius a meaningful look, his mind going a mile a minute.

“Oh,” Sirius grinned back at him, mischief glinting in his eyes as he caught on perfectly.

“We should do something about you first.”

“Yes, Prongsie. You should let us help you.”

James turned on his heels, closing the door to the dorm room behind them. Remus and Sirius were still holding hands.

“You can’t go to Evans with kissing skills that poor.”

“That would be suicide, yes. Padfoot is right.”

“We do not think you’re hopeless, though.”

“And we have a way to confirm our theory. If you’re up for it, of course.”

“Of course,” Sirius repeated.

James looked at the both of them for a second. None of them had drunk that much, but there was probably enough alcohol in all of their systems so that this would sound like a decent idea. Besides, it wasn’t like Remus hadn’t noticed the way James had been stealing glances at their snogging sessions since they had become frequent, the year before.

If given maybe one more drink, Remus would even let himself believe James had been listening to them while they did  _ more _ than snogging, but that wasn’t the most urgent issue at hand. At least not for now.

“How… uh. How do you propose we test out your theory, then, Moony? That I’m not… ehrm.  _ Hopeless _ ?”

There he was, Quidditch Captain, most popular bloke in their year, James Fucking Potter, beetroot red.

Sirius’ little crooked smile looked predatory. Remus ignored the shiver that ran down his spine, taking a bag of enchanted Pocky sticks from his robe’s pocket.

“C’mere,” he said simply, taking a step in James’ direction. He held the candy stick between his front teeth and waited for James to do the same.

Remus could see himself reflected in Prongs’ glasses.

“If it tastes like flobberworms, just spit it out,” Sirius tried, half-heartedly. It was probably supposed to sound humorous, but the low tone of his voice might’ve ruined it. 

Remus took the first bite and was instantly pleased to feel a sweet, honey-like taste on his tongue.

James inched forward, his eyes getting crossed as he came closer. Remus sniffed out a laugh and closed his eyes.

“Now, Prongsie, let Moony touch your lips with his. He’s very good at it.”

Remus felt the last piece of candy be pulled from him and braced for the worst. He was surprised when James’ lips felt almost hesitant against his own; all brashness seemingly left behind.

“Tilt your head a bit to the side, maybe? And you can put your hand on the back of his neck; that’s always a nice touch when you do it subtly, yeah,” Sirius instructed. Remus felt James’ fingers splay on his nape, tentatively. He hummed quietly to encourage him further.

When Prongs seemed comfortable with their light, unhurried pace of close mouth kissing, Remus took his hand to his friend’s hip. He sucked gently on James’ bottom lip, wetting it slightly.

“Vey good, Prongs” Sirius sounded rather breathless, and Remus’ stomach lurched when he heard it. “Now, don’t you start with the tongue yet. If people are  _ seeing _ you drool, you’re definitely doing something wrong.”

Remus had to hold back a laugh. He nuzzled James’ nose with his own, gently coaxing his mouth a tad more open. He brushed his tongue against James’ with extreme care and precision – just enough for him to feel it, but not as much that he would feel free to go wild with it all. Remus was trying to teach him something about pace, but it was hard to keep  _ himself _ in line. Knowing he had to take his time made impatience grow inside his own chest, his fingers itching to grab James harder. Maybe  _ he _ could learn a thing or two, he thought, letting his hands wander just a bit.

“That’s… yeah, that’s one of Moony’s best moves. Bet you didn’t notice he’s got a hand under your shirt.”

James made a sound Remus didn’t know  _ what  _ to call. It made his stomach flip again, his heartbeat loud in his ears.

He moved once more, then, his tongue guiding James’ with the same care as before, but this time it went deeper. He nibbled on his friend’s lower lip, next, and waited for Sirius to continue with commentary or instructions. All Remus heard was a small, choked groan, but that might’ve been his own.  _ Oops. _

“I think…” Sirius begun. 

James’ fingers flexed on Remus’ hair. Prongs was a quick learner, he noted, sucking softly on his tongue, licking the corner of his mouth, having his lips kissed over and over again – with just the right amount of saliva, thank’s Godric.

Padfoot cleared his throat.

“I think you’re not doomed, Jamie.”

Remus agreed. Not doomed  _ at all, _ he wanted to say, bringing his body closer to James’. This was a lesson on  _ kissing, _ he had to remind himself as their chests touched. Sirius has gone very quiet next to them, but Remus could still hear him breathe; too loudly for any of them to think he was unaffected by the sight in front of him.

“You’re going very well,” Padfoot said eventually, his hand covering the one James had on Remus’ hair. 

Remus opened his eyes, slowly.

“Congratulations,” Remus murmured as they parted, finally. “Now… would you want me to take you through those pointers again? I’m sure Padfoot here would be glad to demonstrate.”

Sirius smiled.

James nodded.

Remus fished his wand from the same pocket he’d gotten the candy from and locked the door Prongs was now leaning against.

“As long as the Pocky doesn’t taste like Bubotuber pus, yeah.”

It didn’t.

  
  
  
  



End file.
